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Proposed additions to the Nicene Creed

All of these proposed amendments are anathemas, and they are all inspired by my recent trip to the theology section of my local Wesley Owen.

1. Anyone who dares to publish a book claiming to unravel the mysteries of the End Times and that also claims that the Second Coming is likely to happen in the next few years and who asks spurious marketing-hype questions like "Do you dare to be unprepared for the imminent rapture? Buy this book and find out God's plan for you in these last days before the tribulation" shall be anathema.

2. Tim LaHaye. No, just no. Anyone who buys his books will have to be rebaptised.

3. Anyone who writes a book claiming to have unmasked the Antichrist by offering "biblical evidence" to prove that America's current political enemies just-so-happen to resemble an evil character from the book of Daniel shall be anathema.

4. There are no demons hiding in the wardrobe, and yelling "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!" at every mentally ill person or Muslim neighbour you meet will be met with immediate anathematisation.

5. The current nation state of Israel is not the people of God. To assert that they are, and that we thus ought to become Christian Zionists does not even make sense. If it did, we should all go and get circumcised and eat kosher food. Seriously.

6. There are enough Bible study guides. Whoever writes any more will be hauled before an ecumenical council for whipping. You know, this kind of thing:

"Welcome to the Spirit-Driven Purpose-Filled Demon-Trembling Hour of Power Bible Study...

i) Start by opening your Bible at a random page. You might find it more spiritual to close your eyes, speak in tongues, and drop the Bible on the floor and see what page it opens at. You know -"HALALALALALALALALAKABBAKABBAFISHYKISHY - BAM!"

ii) Choose a verse at random, and read it through slowly. Academics and intellectuals will tell you that you should use a commentary to help you understand the text at this point, but they do not understand the deep ways of God and they rely on "the basic principles of this world" rather than on faith, and so you should ignore them.

iii) Be really, really quiet. Now ask yourself: what does this verse mean to me personally? How does it make me feel deep down inside? Try to ignore the context of the verse and instead just focus on how you feel in yourself. Do you feel good? The main purpose of the Bible is to make you feel better about yourself, otherwise it wouldn't be called the "Good" Book, would it?

iv) Wham! Bam! Shazam! Feel the annointing! By this point you should be lying on the floor giggling like a chimpanzee or barking like a dog. This is what scholars call "getting a feeling for the text." You may experience visions or voices, write down what you see and hear.

v) Return to your seat and look at the notes you just made. Do they make any sense in your current life situation? How might purchasing other books in this series help your spiritual growth? You might like to try The Purpose Driven Knife: When God Tells You to Kill Everyone, or Should I love my demon-possessed neighbour? or our latest title: What's Good For America Is Good For Jesus."

7. That's pretty much it. Who is with me?

Inerrancy again

What is it that makes the Bible inerrant? I mean (and this is a serious question), is the Bible inerrant because we say it is, or because it actually is in and of itself? In which case how do inerrantists arrive at this conclusion - what's the theology/philosophy behind it? I could for instance say that the copy of the Berlitz Travel Guide to Germany that is sat on my bookshelf is inerrant. It clearly isn't, but why not?

Come on inerrantists, I need your help on this one.

Sam also has an excellent post on the Chicago statement on inerrancy that's worth reading.

How not to respond to postmodernism

Christian circles constitute something of a small pond, in which it is very easy to become a big fish. The downside of this of course is that we tend to somewhat overestimate the abilites and skills of the leaders and academics that we look up to. Once upon a time I thought that Ken Ham's arguments for creationism were irrefutable and that he was an intellectual giant, though seeing him these days is somewhat less exhilarating.. Nowhere has this occurred to me more recently than in the some of the ranting of some Christian apologists against the evils, either realo or imagined, of postmodernity.

About two years ago I heard a very well known UK apologist "refute" postmodernity by recalling a conversation he had with a postmodern student that went something like this:

- I don't believe there's any such thing as absolute truth.

- Do you believe that absolutely?

- Yes.

- Ha! So you do believe in absolute truth then!

The crowd applauded and marvelled at the cleverness of the apologist and felt reassured that they were now sufficiently well equipped to deal with whatever intellectual challenges the world might throw at them. Christendom was safe.

But this "refutation" of postmodernity is somewhat of a strawman, if indeed a "refutation" is even what the church needs. The blurb for the latest Desiring God conference reads: "We think the post-propositional, post-dogmatic, post-authoritative “conversation” is post-relevant and post-saving." So doubtless the T4G groupies and Piperettes out there in the blogosphere will be applauding another apologetic home run in the battle against postmodern culture later this year, but I'm not expecting any miracles (ha!).

The basic assumption about postmodernity is that it simply consists of rejecting the belief in absolute truth and that opposing it simply requires a restatement of a few biblical principles and the whole thing will come tumbling down like the walls of some intellectual Jericho. Yet I've rarely heard any Christian leaders actually deal with some of the far more significant questions that postmodernism raises, such as how do we proclaim the lordship of Christ in a generation that frequently has good reason to see all truth claims as corrupt claims to power and control? What if the problem isn't a rejection of absolute truth, but rather a recognition that our ability to perceive the truth is distorted by our cultural, social and historical background so as to render us incapable of anything but subjectivity? What about language and meaning? Is there anything good about postmodernism that can help the church in its critique of modernity? And so on.

These are the far bigger and more important questions that postmodernity raises, and there are of course theologians and thinkers who wrestle with them, but until their work begins to filter into the mainstream church we are doomed to endure more responses that impress and tickle the ears of their hearers, but are hardly enough to make postmodernity go away. I'm getting thoroughly bored of the whole thing.

Who said that?

Quick Wednesday lunchtime quiz for you all. Which well-known New Testament scholar said this?:

"Easter thus means "Jesus is Lord." The phrase has depths of meaning not always seen in a tradition in which the affirmation has become commonplace. Jesus is Lord. Rome is not. The domination system is not. The lord of conventional wisdom is not. If Jesus is Lord, then all of the would-be Lords of our lives are not."

Answer tomorrow!

Hoisted by mine own petard

You scored as The Kingdom as Earthly Utopia. This utopianism is found in the extremes of Liberation Theology and some early radical Anabaptism. It recognises the importance of the social and political aspects of the Kingdom but perhaps doesn't take the reality of human sinfulness into account. The Kingdom is mystical communion 67% The Kingdom as Earthly Utopia 67% The Kingdom as a counter-system 67% Kingdom as a Christianised Society 67% The Kingdom as a political state 42% The Kingdom as Institutional Church 33% The Kingdom is a Future Hope 33% Inner spiritual experience 17% What is the Kingdom of God? created with QuizFarm.com

At least it reflects the books I read during my final semester :)

What is the Kingdom of God?

I have lots of free time but I have no inspiration to blog deep and meaningful posts on theology so I've written another quiz that looks at the different understandings Christians have of the Kingdom of God. It's based loosely on Howard Snyder's book The Community of the King, so please don't e-mail me for the answers or for explanations - buy the book! (Although in this quiz they're fairly self-explanatory.)

 Here's the link to What is the Kingdom of God? Enjoy!